Out of My Mind Read online

  “I’ve forgiven him,” I continue. “I’ve forgiven myself. If you can’t, you’re basically saying you don’t accept me for who I am…today.”

  “We don’t think he’s a good influence,” Mom says. “The whole thing at school Saturday—”

  “Was about Greg wanting revenge. Don’t you get that? Greg is not a nice guy, Mom. He’s been arrested.”

  “It’s hard to believe,” she hushes.

  “That Pratt boy has always been trouble,” Dad says.

  “He pretends to be trouble so people will keep their distance. He doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on over there.”

  “He should report the abuse to the police,” Mom says.

  “Really, Mom? Did you grow up in a war zone? Somehow I don’t see Gramps hitting his kids.”

  “Of course he didn’t.”

  “Then you have no idea what it’s like to be abused or what J.D. feels.”

  “I don’t trust him,” Dad spits out.

  “You don’t know him. He’s been there for me, believed in me when my friends bailed.”

  “He’s been there out of guilt,” Dad interjects.

  “No, he knows what it’s like to be an outsider. He accepts me. I wish you would, too.”

  They don’t know what to say to that. I fear they still don’t get it. Whatever. I’ll never stop caring about J.D., which means the pain in my chest isn’t going away any time soon.

  The doorbell rings. Good timing. Mom opens the door and Clarisse steps into the front hallway.

  “Mom, you remember Clarisse?” I introduce.

  “Sure, of course.”

  “I just wanted to see if you were okay,” Clarisse says.

  “Cool, thanks.”

  Funny, she’s the only one from Cheer who cared enough to stop by. Sure, I got texts from Taylor and Andrea, but it’s not the same as checking on someone in person.

  I come downstairs. “Wanna sit outside?”

  “Sure.”

  We go out onto the porch and sit in the Adirondack chairs. I glance at J.D.’s house, but only for a second. It hurts too much.

  “So Greg’s like totally nuts, huh?” Clarisse asks.

  “He probably wouldn’t have acted so nuts if he hadn’t been drinking, but yeah, he’s pretty messed up.”

  “I’m sorry. I know you liked him.”

  I smile to myself. “Can I tell you something? Just between us?”

  “Sure.”

  “I was pretending.”

  “Why?” Her eyes widen with curiosity.

  “I wanted to be accepted.”

  “Oh.” She studies her fingers in her lap. She so gets what I’m talking about.

  “Hang on a sec.” I rush into the house and up the stairs. I grab my Cheer pin out of my music box and smile. This makes sense. I rejoin Clarisse on the porch and hand her the pin.

  “What, no, that’s your gold Cheer pin,” she protests.

  “I can’t dance anymore. It’s okay, I want you to have it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yep.”

  We hang out for a while and it’s nice. She seems to get me, but I sense how much she wants to belong to Taylor’s group. Some people feel more secure when they’re part of a group. I used to feel that way.

  She gets a text and frowns.

  “Taylor?” I ask.

  “Yeah. They’re doing the mall.”

  No one texted me about a mall trip. I’ve been replaced and that’s okay.

  “Come with us?” she offers.

  “Can’t. Homework. But thanks.”

  “Well.” She stands. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

  “Thanks.” We hug and she bounces off my front porch.

  I go back inside, grab the box of old photos and take it upstairs. I think about homework, I really do, but I’m distracted when I glance at my nightstand and see J.D.’s sketchbook. My heart breaks all over again. I know I should return it, but can’t bring myself to go over there.

  I grab my own sketchbook hoping that drawing will ease the pain in my chest. I head out. Not sure where I’m going. I just have to think.

  I’m walking toward the library and my cell vibrates. I hope, hope, hope…

  I don’t recognize the number, which means it’s not J.D. My heart sinks.

  “Hello?”

  “Catherine?”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s Detective Ryan.”

  I hesitate. “What’s wrong? Is J.D. okay?”

  “He’s fine as far as I know. I’m calling about something else.”

  “What’s up?”

  “I probably shouldn’t be asking this but,” he pauses, “a buddy of mine at Seattle PD is working on a murder case. I was wondering if you could help a witness, you know, remember what she saw?”

  I consider. Resist the idea at first. Then remember Goth girl and how I could have possibly prevented that horrible experience.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “That was out of line.”

  “No, it’s okay. I can try, but I don’t have much control over them, the visions, I mean.”

  “It’s worth a shot. She’s coming in Saturday at ten to work with a sketch artist.”

  “Okay.”

  “How’s it going?” he asks.

  “Meh.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Call her,” I suggest.

  “Call who?”

  “You know who. I’ll see you Saturday.” I hit End and smile.

  A sense of pride washes over me. Not shame, not fear.

  Pride.

  I can use my HULU skills to help someone, maybe even a lot of people. Suddenly I feel a little less broken.

  A few minutes later I detour into the greenbelt by the library. I felt at peace when I came to this place before.

  The place where J.D. first kissed me.

  Clutching my sketchbook, I approach the ridge and hesitate. I need to get up there, need to see the mountains and forget about my life for a few minutes.

  I toss my sketchbook onto the ridge and grab a tree root. I pull with my arms and push with my feet, but my arms aren’t strong enough.

  “Damn it!”

  “You should wear a helmet if you’re gonna go rock climbing.”

  I spin around at the sound of J.D.’s voice. He stands there, as cute as ever, with a half smile curling his lips.

  “Yeah.” I’m breathless, my heart filling with hope.

  He’s talking to me. That’s a good sign, right?

  Without making eye contact, he climbs up the ridge and offers his hand. “Ready?”

  I nod and grab his hand. Warmth races up my arm. Is this…does this mean?

  He pulls me up and we’re inches apart. He glances away like he’s uncomfortable.

  “I come here to draw sometimes,” he says.

  “Me too.” I’m not sure what to say.

  He motions for me to sit on a rock and he sits beside me, our legs touching. The contact feels incredible. He pulls a sketchbook out of his backpack and offers a reserved, almost shy smile.

  “My name’s Jesse.” He extends his hand. “Jesse Dean Pratt.”

  “I’m Catherine, but my friends call me Cat.”

  We shake hands and I’m grounded again. I’m home.

  “Nice to meet you, Cat.” J.D. pulls me close and kisses me.

  The kiss is sweet and gentle, and amazing.

  Okay, so I can’t do twenty sit-ups, I’ll never make Cheer and I struggle to remember my cat’s name.

  My life isn’t perfect.

  I’m good with that.

  THE END

  Table of Contents

  Title page

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

/>   Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine